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tOts to ponder..

"As much as I would want to share every complicated thought that runs through my head, I believe speech does not permit me to do so. Writing it down perhaps may help me come up with a good approximation."

Unsure Monday, February 25, 2008 |

I find myself thinking a lot lately, and it scares me.

For the past n years that I have known how to think, it never occurred to me to question the things that, I believe, make me happy. And contented. I don't really know when this nagging question entered my mind, and since then I just can't shake it off..

What do I REALLY want to do in my life to make me happy?

Not that I'm sad or mad or anything. Actually I find it confusing myself. Argh. What's worse is that I don't know how to share my dilemma to anyone, because I don't really know what it is that I am making a fuss about.

Argh. This is hard.

==============

Andami kong gusto.
Gusto ko magpunta sa beach para mag-isip ng tungkol sa maraming bagay.
Gusto ko i-try magpunta sa ibang bansa, mag-aral or magtrabaho for a while, just to feel how it is to be alone in a foreign place.
Gusto kong magpaka-loner ng matagal para masort ko kung ano ba talaga gusto kong gawin.
Gusto kong malaman what really matters to me.
Gusto kong may makausap about these without exerting much effort sa pagkkwento kasi alam na niya kung anong nasa isip ko, kasi ako mismo hindi ko alam kung pano ko ito ikkwento.
Gusto kong gumawa ng mga bagay na hindi kailangan isipin kung makaka-offend ba ako ng mga tao sa paligid ko.


Nakakapagod. Ito ba ang mid-life crisis? Is this why they say they "need time to find their selves"? Hindi ko alam.


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