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tOts to ponder..

"As much as I would want to share every complicated thought that runs through my head, I believe speech does not permit me to do so. Writing it down perhaps may help me come up with a good approximation."

Post-anniversary post Wednesday, April 21, 2010 |

I remember that day when I cried to the Lord and finally surrendered my "love-life" to Him, after not having done so and insisting my way many times. I'm glad I did, because He surely gives the best if we obey.

Kung iisipin ko, talagang amazing kung paano kumilos si God para mabuo ang "love story" namin ni Peewee (aka Pards). May iilang nakakaalam ng history (as in history, tipong musmos pa, childhood crush, ganun) at alam kong kasama namin sila sa pagka-mangha at pagkagalak na rin, lalo na ngayon after having celebrated a year of being together, with God's goodness of course. I remember years back when I received a phone call from Peewee about his grief over a broken relationship. Honestly, nagulat ako at nagtaka that he called me kasi hindi naman talaga kami close, though we belong to the same "circle" of young people. I guess that was the start of an unexpected friendship we didn't even think would turn out to be much more special.

Then came the time when it was my turn to be in the same sorrowful state. I know the Lord used the people around me (you know who you are, thanks for the prayers!) to somehow ease the pain I was going through. At siyempre, isa siya sa mga taong andiyan lang at dumadamay, sabi niya nga, even if I didn't ask him to. Andiyan lang siya at in fairness hindi talaga siya nawala. Naalala ko ang aming long talks (mainly of sharing my stories and thoughts, nag-momoment kasi ako nun) and long walks, primarily to kill time and to distract myself then. Naalala ko nung dumating yung time na we felt something might be going on, but decided that we disregard whatever it might be - deadma lang, delikado kasi, the friendship was too valuable to lose. Naalala ko yung phase na we were praying to God to show us kung siya na ba or ako na ba, or hindi at friends lang talaga. We've had our share of emotional pain na kasi which we are sure to experience again if hindi kami ang plan ni God para sa isa't-isa. And I remember receiving that answer I've been praying for and then finally telling him. Tapos e telling friends na ang sumunod, with matching celebration pa sa Chowking.

Noong una akong ma-involve sa bf-gf relationship, natutunan ko na hindi pala lahat ng gusto mo - as in tipong fairy-tale scenarios, prince-charming-damsel-in-distress set-up, ay magkakatotoo. And I settled with that. Tinanggap ko na nga na ganun talaga, yung mga daydream mo, subset lang nun ang magmamaterialize, and that's fine kasi kaya nga daydream e. Kaya naman sobra kong nagulat na meron palang someone na swak dun sa "fairy-tale love story" I had in mind. Ang galing talaga ni God, alam Niya kung anong gusto ko at magpapasaya sa kin, at ibinigay Niya. All things worked together for good talaga, actually hindi lang for the good kundi for the best.

I am and forever will be grateful to the Lord for that. Ü

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